i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
