don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Randomize
