Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
