Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
