Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
high people should be assigned attendants
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
