You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Randomize
