I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
