me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
