Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
