yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
