Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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