pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
