hotel room ftw
no you cant smoke seaweed
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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