Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
