What a fucking waste of an outfit
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
