i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
No subtext here. People are naked.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I will be naked everywhere
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Randomize
