what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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