Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
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