sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
