ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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