2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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