I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
