Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
