quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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