I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
