Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
