Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
