I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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