omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
