I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
