come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
