screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
