he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
