he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Randomize
