I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
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