Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
