its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
