Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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