Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I'm passing your future prison.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Randomize
