I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
