There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
