It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
