when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
