It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
