I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
