you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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