Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Acid is not a monday night drug
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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