would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
