Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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