Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
