I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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