that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
